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FAQ #18: How do the boys feel about being adopted?

February 12, 2011

A lot of people have asked us how the boys feel about being adopted. I’ll be honest. We haven’t really talked to them about it yet.

Our first reason was that we wanted to let the appeal time pass after court just in case anything came up. We didn’t want to make any promises we couldn’t keep. Well, the appeal time is over and it appears we are in the clear to start talking about this with them.

I checked out several children’s books in the library about adoption but most of them were about babies being adopted. And some I just flat out didn’t agree with. (Anyone have a good one to recommend?)

We sought out some wise council on the subject and we plan to start talking to them about adoption very soon in terms they can understand. I want adoption to be a comfortable subject in our home, something we talk about with ease. I know we are going to face hard questions from them in the future and I want to be honest and age-appropriate in my answers.

We have started talking about family with them a lot. It is a concept they really did not understand and we explain often how we are a family, why we are a family and what families do.

I know many explain adoption to kids in the narrative of, “Your mommy loved you very much but she couldn’t take care of you so she asked us to.” This is not their story. Theirs is messier and painful and complicated.  I think the topic of adoption is going to be an ongoing conversation in our home. I would welcome advice, especially from anyone who has adopted older (non-infant) children.

P.S. There is a great episode of FPP on this topic too. I definitely went back a listened to it during the kids’ rest time one day this week.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2011 1:20 pm

    Looks like you will have a book to write in the future!;)

    Love your blog! Garth and I are talking about doing this type of adoption in a couple years so we are avid readers of your blog!:)

  2. February 14, 2011 12:07 pm

    I think you’re asking all the right questions about talking to kids about adoption. A couple of links I hope will help:

    http://chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com/2009/05/ten-commandments-of-telling.html
    This links to a summary of a talk given by the author of a great book, , Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past.

    http://chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com/2009/04/adoption-book-list.html
    This links to a ton of adoption books for kids — categorized helpfully, I hope.

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