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The Connected Child (Chapters 5 & 6)

November 16, 2010

We have new kiddos! That is one of the reasons I’m so late on this post.

These two chapters were full of so much great information. Chapter Five is called Teaching Life Values. Something I can definitely see myself implementing is the Life Values from Theraplay.

  • No hurts – A short phrase making it easy for kids to remember to be kind and gentle
  • Stick together – Reminding kids (and parents) to work together as a family
  • Have fun – Interacting playfully and productively; having fun cannot happen without no hurts and stick together coming first

I love these three simple rules to follow. They are broad enough to apply to many situations.

Dr. Purvis asks parents to be consistent, listen and make eye contact, give your child support, encourage and give lots and lots of time and attention.

Once physical needs for clothing, food, and shelter are met, it’s far more beneficial to share activities together than to give a child gifts and be stingy with time. By giving children our focus and time, we demonstrate their value and plant the seeds of caring relationships.

Chapter Six is called You Are the Boss. Honestly, I find the role of “the boss” pretty natural but need a lot of help in learning how to be “the boss” to kids, especially those coming from difficult situations.

Dr. Purvis suggests this method for disciplining children:

  1. Respond quickly
  2. Clarify expectations
  3. Offer simple choices
  4. Present consequences
  5. Give immediate retraining and the opportunity to “re-do”
  6. Practice, practice, practice
  7. Offer praise for success

It seems easy and logical but I know that I often lose my cool when dealing with difficult behaviors. Dr. Purvis encourages parents to be a “good boss” by responding quickly, not debating with the child, using as few words as possible and being instructive and corrective. This means walking a child who has misbehaved through a re-do, step-by-step in the correct way. Additionally, instead of a “time-out” kids are given a “think-it-over” space (near the family or parent).

There is a lot of other great, practical help in this chapter and I can see myself using a lot of it with the two boys who just came into our lives. I don’t have any examples yet of how we have used these techniques but I have a feeling I will be getting plenty of practice in the weeks to come.

*The Connected Child book club is hosted by Sarah Thacker.
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3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 17, 2010 7:37 am

    Wishing you the best during this adjustment period! Remember I am only a few streets away! 🙂

  2. November 17, 2010 4:34 pm

    I’m excited to hear how things are going with the new kids!

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