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Where We Are At

September 24, 2010

We are back from our little get-away. It was so nice to sleep in a hotel, watch TV and read. D and I had lots of time to talk and relax.

Many people have asked us how we are doing and I find myself saying something like, “We are okay” or “Most of the time we are just fine.” Both those statements are totally true – the majority of the time we are doing just fine. There are so many people who have been praying for us which we know has been a huge help.  We still feel very much called to foster care. God knew long before we did that M & T would come into our lives, that we would be told they were “adoptable” and that in June the whole story would change. He has been preparing us for this for a long time, before we even knew it.

I’ll be honest, up until Wednesday night, this post would have been very different. I cried a little on Friday before we dropped off the kids but that was the only time I really felt sad. I’m sure we distracted ourselves with the long weekend away. I was even wondering why we were not feeling more emotional about this loss.

But on Wednesday, I walked into Target and saw a little girl coming out with her dad. She had her hair done the way I often did M’s and she was wearing the same leggings from an outfit I bought M recently. Then I stood in line behind a women and her one year old son who had big, curly hair and I wondered if T’s would be like that in six months. There are many reminders of them around the house but what is most noticeable is the quietness.

I asked God to protect me from anger, bitterness and cynicism and He has done that. I am thrilled for the kids’ mom that she is able to have them back.  I am not angry at the system for all its quirks.  But I am sad and I know that is because we fell in love with M & T, we embraced our role as their parents and poured attention on them.

I want to be honest about foster care and the ups and downs but I’m hesitant to post about the “bad” because I don’t want to discourage people who are considering foster care, nor do I want to be dramatic. I still feel like the blessings outnumber the hardships. I still think we can do it again and that God has designed D and I’s relationship for this. So, I guess, that is where we are at: sad but not deterred.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 24, 2010 4:44 pm

    I’ve been thinking about you a lot, and sending prayers your way. Your words are very encouraging to hear and you guys are a great example of foster parents.

    You have sacrificed a lot to help T, M and their Mom. You’ve given them your heart…so of course it makes sense that sadness would follow.

    Transitions are never easy….I just wonder what God has for you guys next?!

    Let me know if you need anything!!

  2. Sara permalink
    September 24, 2010 10:56 pm

    Oh I loved this post, so honest and open. Love you guys.

  3. September 25, 2010 10:26 am

    You guys are truly co-laborers with Christ if you are sad but not deterred, if you suffer with Him.

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