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FAQ #14: What happened? Why were they taken away?

May 28, 2010

This is a pretty natural question for people to have regarding children in foster care. Depending on a person’s relationship to us, I answer this question in different ways. The majority of people are going to get a general answer of, “They are not able to care for them right now. We are happy to have them as long as they need us.” It just is not in the best interest of our kids to give everyone every detail about their lives.

It is very easy for society to be mad or angry with parents whose kids have been removed. There is often good reason to be angry. As we attend visits each week with M & T’s mom, my prayer is this: “God, help me love this woman.” And I have to say, that if I knew her outside of this situation, she would probably be pretty easy to like. She is nice and she loves her kids. We have pretty limited interaction but she has always been kind to us and, given the situation, I would expect differently from most people.

It is not up to us to determine whether our kids’ birth parents are able to properly parent them. I am very thankful to not have that responsibility.  I think it benefits the kids and us if we avoid the temptation to see their birth parents as the “bad guys.” Regardless of what happens, their birth parents will always be a part of them and that is something that we need to respect.

I told someone recently that their birth mom was a really nice person and that I felt sad for her; I think she was pretty shocked to hear me say that. No doubt, we entered into foster care to take care of kids and with the hopes of adoption but not because we hope that birth parents will fail.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Betsy permalink
    May 28, 2010 7:39 pm

    Krysta- I wish people would understand too that parents will always be a part of the child’s life no matter what they have done to them, or how much they have hurt them. This relates to children in foster care, adopted children and children of divorce. Its so important to understand the natural connection that a parent and child have.

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